HR professionals are easily approachable for any kind of office-related work. They are compassionate, articulate, practical and passionate about their work — and most of their work is employee-related. They are the best persons to forge relationships since they are well-versed with the kind of emotions all the employees share with them. There are so many times they are hounded by employees in different tones and they manage things efficiently and proactively.
And in a relationship this emotional connect is essential to build a long lasting journey. Knows how to deal with stress: You have a problem at work — computer problem, canteen problem and even loo problems— and you simply go to HR to sort it out. Imagine they take the load of the entire office to keep your workplace running. They know how to manage the stress and they deal with it everyday. Remembers all the important dates: One of the most important factors of dating an HR professional is they remember everything.
- ETHICS & ISSUES.
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Before you know, they have already jotted it down in their super brains and will probably remind you even on that day! Creative in getting good innovative gifts: Someone who remembers all the important events of your life will not disappoint you when it comes to gifts. The HR is known to be creative in sourcing the best gifts possible when it comes to Diwali, Christmas gift options. They are the ones who always make you smile with festive gifts. So once you are dating an HR professional, you will be sorted for your entire life about getting and loving the gifts they shower on you!
Listens, and solves work problems: A lot of complaints which stem from any relationship are all about not listening to what the partner is saying. They are the original managers: In your personal life, there will be so many moments where you will need that extra bit of HR inputs to sort things out. They are guided by strong values: Every company runs on values — and HR people are the ones who see that employees are in tuned to the company values. If you know her family, you can tell them and perhaps they can help her.
I have a friend who has been doing the same sort of thing to herself since college. She landed in the hospital with exhaustion a couple years back. I really, really feel for your concern for your friend. Ultimately she has to make the decision to take care of herself. I had an employee like this and it was almost impossible to manage. She does play the martyr and some of the projects she works on are getting the half- or three-quarters-ass treatment because she has too many.
I decided it was better to take this tack rather than have the whole team suffer. This also will let me see if her performance issues are because of her workload or something else. Therapy would be wonderful. EAP can be great. Her boss will be made aware of everything after she has a stay in a hospital. It looks like she is headed that way.
Support her the best you can and be ready for when she crashes. She will truly need you then. Otherwise it could plague all relationships, both personal and professional. Agree with all of this, and…. And I felt the exact same way OP does. The relationship did not survive, and I had some serious growing up to do.
I feel for you, OP, I really do. Work should be verboten as a discussion topic. And if you two are serious about the relationship, one of you should start looking for another job.
Eh, not so sure about that. After all, maturity has nothing to do with age. I know plenty of middle-aged adults who have this same attitude. Completely and totally agreed. These two sentences gave me that impression:. Know that trusting you and feeling he can talk to you are going to be very different in your shared work situation. Perhaps he really does trust and confide in you about the more-personal arguably, more important elements of his life and this is just not an area where he can share. I hope OP 3 does find another job soon. The guy sounds like a keeper, and I am rooting for their romance!
If he can stick to his ethics and commitments and, yes, the law ; so openly, I hope she learns from him to feel comfortable doing the same and setting a good example for other friends and employees. You had the guts to write in. I really wish you both well. OP3- I really feel for you on this one. I agree with those that said that your best bet may be to find a new job. Which is obviously so much easier said than done. I consider myself an extremely ethical person but it would likely drive me nuts if this dynamic existed in my relationship.
I really feel for you on this one and wish you both the best. Says she who owns the boxsets! I should look into that! She keeps making it about her and how I should trust her. Should I dump her? Otherwise, please keep your tactless remarks to yourself. I was really just offering another perspective, but I was not intending for it to be a personal attack on you.
I realize now that what I meant as an off-hand remark was really kind of mean. I agree that trust is not binary, but I have a hard time seeing this as a trust issue the way the OP does. This is true regardless of the level of trust — the option is just open for discussion. I could very easily use my job as a cover for all sorts of bad behavior, and I have a built-in professional excuse for refusing to provide details. I would never do anything of the kind — but it does require trust to believe that.
In this case, the OP is worried about a professional betrayal rather than a romantic one, but the principle is the same. Trying to maintain a relationship with someone who is constantly pressuring you to be less than who you are is a terrible strain. Yes, and not only that, if he were to divulge confidential information, he is betraying every other employee.
Is that the type of person Op wants to date? Or, like you said, would she rather be with someone that has integrity? Very well stated Graciosa, great post! Some of these responses are coming off as so holier than thou to me. Would it really not drive the rest of us bonkers if our significant other was the Director of HR at our job and knew all kinds of inside info about work- that may include our future at the company?
It sounds like a relationship worth keeping and I really hope you can get through this one. Yes, I feel the same thing: And some comments are really poking an angry spot of mine, which is talk about a relationship or situation involving multiple persons, like only one of them is responsible for everything: My grandmother and mother used to play that game when I was playing with my cousins.
If they or us did any mischief, I was always the mastermind and the one that forced them to misbehave. They could not have thought anything bad by themselves. People here is very caring, compassionate and wise. Your letter was a perfect storm, where the necessity of being concise forced your words to sound different of what you meant, and the hundreds of comments make impossible to read all your updates.
I guess they are lucky in not understanding, because this is a very shitty situation to be. Many hugs and I hope things get better. Graciosa — please read my response to TotesMaGoats. Your other posts on this blog are insightful and articulate, so please reconsider your opinion of my original post. It is possible some people attack too much. Try to read the responses and let it sink in a little while. Then see if there might be something for you to learn.
Can you understand why some are siding with him or was your only goal in writing in to convince him to spill his secrets? I am taking away the helpful and insightful things that some people have to say — which I appreciate. Or are you talking about applying for something that is way too much of a stretch, just to show your interest in a future career path? What would you recommend I do in the next years if I wanted to grow in that direction?
I am a reasonable candidate, but not the best. And when this promotion occurs, the person who gets it assuming its not me will be my boss. Mostly I want to interview so I get the face time… the other candidate will be retiring before my career is over, and I would eventually want to slide into his role. So I would like the experience of interviewing, in preparation for that day. This adds good context.
Definitely go through with the interview and answer the questions as Alison suggests. If the other person gets the job, be cordial and professional and work hard to work well with them. Even if they know you applied, what matters is your ability to do your job and work with them. Is there some requirement that all internal applicants must be interviewed? If this other guy is truly the strongest candidate, I would hope he has the professionalism not to throw any kind of backlash your way if and when he discovers you were interested in the same role. I worked in a position where we often competed against each other for promotions, and where someone who was your teammate last year might be your boss the next.
So I think if you are qualified, it is always worth throwing your name in the hat. Additionally, I went through this process, did not get the promotion, but did get a call a month later offering me a different position that was a much better fit, but had not been posted at the time of my interview. It is always worth the face time with upper management, as they may have things going on behind the scenes. I just wanted to echo your last line about the importance of face time with your superiors.
Applying makes people take a closer look at your work, and invest a bit of time considering your strengths and how they fit the needs of the organization. I totally agree with all the others that you should apply. It infantalizes the employee immediateley — it is like having Mommy whining to the boss that Little Bobby should get special treatment. I would be beyond angry if someone took it upon herself to interfere in my work life in this way; we would not be friends again for a long, long time. Which would be another reason why the friend wants to hide the juggling act from the boss for the time being.
But this is really on the friend to balance. Being affirmatively told that that is not true is very reassuring. So, was she wasting time during the day?
Article: 7 reasons why you should date an HR professional
Doing other things for other departments allowable, but secondary to her official duties? It took me a little while to realize how pervasive it was, but I was aware pretty quickly. And I acted on it. Alison is absolutely right. What if you found out that the company was involved in something illegal?
You could end up finding out things that put you in a very difficult position.
telling my friend’s boss how overworked she is, dating the head of HR, and more
At best, his credibility and trustworthiness would be called into question, and at worst, he could lose his job and his reputation could be irreparably damaged. The above would still be relevant, assuming that you still have friends and colleagues at your company after you leave. These were my thoughts, too — particularly on a more personal level. OP3, what if you found out something that did directly impact or affect your job in a negative way?
What could you do or say? It reminds me of a situation long ago, where my spouse and I worked at the same company: It put tremendous pressure on him to not be able to talk to me. So, OP3, think about him. This relationship does put a lot of pressure on him. If you want what is best for him, one of you getting a different job will help him as well as you. It requires a very strong person to handle it well and not have it affect the personal relationships.
Even then I would wait until after I was either hired or eliminated. In my experience, employers who do things like this often stress the importance of accuracy and attention to detail in their job ads. The irony is probably lost on them though. Is the job to write linked-in profiles, though? Think tool vs rool. I once had a class taught by a lawyer who had submitted a brief, to an appellate court no less! It was a good ten years before tbe class and they were still ashamed from the dressing down the lead judge gave them.
I once had a co-worker would would abbreviate assistant as ass. No one wanted to speak up about it until one day, my boss said something about it in our open office setting with everyone there trying to look like they were working but actually trying to hear everything that was being said. She argued with him that she was correct and he was wrong for quite some time. We worked in a library so they both went and got several dictionaries to try and verify their viewpoints.
Whyyyyyyy would you do this? So if someone was, say, the Assistant Director of the company she would abbreviate it as the Ass. When do you ever need to abbreviate the word assistant in the first place? I would do the same! Her best move is to talk to a professional. Been there, done that. Would you please do me, your good friend, a favor, and go talk to someone about this? And if a report was working such crazy hours and becoming physically ill they would act to restribute the work load. Does he have his eye on the ball? Even taking it from a purely business point of view, this is doing nobody any good.
I agree that it can be hard for a manager to see how a staff member is becoming ill. But I do think that a good manager should be aware of how much work her team is handling. Apart from anything else, if it all starts to fall apart it will come back on the manager in some way.
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I was thinking along this line too. Work can be completed to a perfectly acceptable level without it being perfect. When my boss creates a powerpoint, he spends hours choosing art and graphics, fiddling with color and shading, adjusting the layout, etc. The finished product looks great, but honestly, it would still look great if he spent 10 hours less on it.
Or is he remote? Or maybe the Op works from home? And, talking to the boss is probably the worst idea I could think of. And if there is an extraneous reason that all this overtime is happening, it could be less apparent. I am exempt and work at a different site than my manager.
Article: 7 reasons why you should date an HR professional — People Matters
I have a peer who constantly works overtime, is always overworked, etc. You are assuming the problem is the work or the boss. In my experience, highly anxious employees are highly anxious. It is about them not about the situation. But I am happy to stand corrected on the other points. There is a workaholic in my present department.
That does not, however, mean that the workaholic is following suit and taking time off. I agree—the manager may not see that the employee is still at the office at 9pm; or may not see that the employee is sitting at her dining room table working on a report. Encourage your friend to speak up and support them where you can, but thata as far as you can go. This is just beyond creepy infantalizing for a boss to be discussing poor Betty with her friends. Is there any situation where you might ease on this? Generally I agree with you, with two exceptions — if I thought the person was at risk of hurting themselves suicidal or serious drug problem or someone else.
There comes a point a not uncommon point with no stigma attached — or at least no stigma that should be attached where somebody is so caught up that they need other people in their lives to support them, and often people only realise that point has been reached when they talk to each other. You might want to talk to her. If either Friend or Boss has concerns about her health, including if she is suicidal they each have different options to deal with that.
I would be beyond skeeved out if my line manager and friend discussed me, no matter how genuine their concerns. Confidentiality is about so much more than trust its at the very core of your boyfriends ethics, integrity and professional reputation. He can not use any information he gets at work for personal gain Period. Apollo — please read my response to TotesMaGoats. People on this blog seem to have gotten a wrong impression about how I actually conduct myself.
I should have done a better job of describing the situation and provided more context. I guess I was looking more for relationship advice than professional, in which case this is probably not the right forum. This is probably rude to say sorry , but I am wondering how much of a gosh dang an HR executive can actually give about his word, his reputation, or his professional credibility if he is dating someone who is as potentially off limits as OP3. I hope I am wrong, but I am just not seeing how this story could end without costing someone something.
He should know better. I was also wondering about how the BF handles confidential HR information that he would receive outside of work like say during the weekend. In HR things can come up at anytime and so there is probably communication that has to occur outside for normal business hours. How does he handle it if he gets a phone call that is about someone getting fired? Even if he steps out of the room or away from the GF she could still hear part of the conversation and based on her letter I am not sure she could ignore it- I could picture her trying to listen at the door.
I think there is less risk if items come in over email but the GF could still see emails as well. Which to me means that if information comes in and she is around she will try to find out as much as she can. Still questionable for HR to be dating someone in the office, but he may have been promoted after they started seeing each other. I suppose it is possible that he could have been promoted while they were seeing one another, but again we get to disclosure.
As his current relationship with this person would constitute a major conflict of interest in most companies I know, it seems unlikely that he would have been promoted to his current rank had the company known about his romantic attachment. If it is a matter of disclosure, they are both playing with fire, and what for?
If he does, disciplinary action up to and including termination is a reality, as this could be seen as actively participating in a deception that puts the company at risk. Just beware OP3, if things go South it just might be easier to replace you. Why would I seek advice if I thought everything was fine?
Even some of the interview panel who gave him the job knew about it when they offered it to him. So presently, there are no opportunities for me to move to another job. Eventually, that will change. So he can date someone who is mean and judgmental like some of these commenters have been to you?
I was refering to her job, and I stand by it. I would not presume to comment on matters of the heart, especially since. I have no vested interest. As OP3 points out this is a work forum not a romantic one. I am glad for this. I am glad there is no deception, and I am glad that nobody will lose their job over this. I still stand by my reactions for the context of this forum, in response to the circumstances in the original letter, that if this were many other companies they could both find themselves in major trouble.
Fortunately in this particular case the commonly accepted norm apparently does not apply, so there ya go. Furthermore, there is also the private sector. We both have children in school, mortgages, family commitments,etc. Also, one of my children is severely disabled and is comfortably rooted in his school and other supports here. So neither of us has much mobility for now. I know this is super late in the game and I know you may not be following the thread anymore, OP3, but I wanted to weigh in. I think others have mentioned counseling as a way to do this.
I also wrote what you are replying to in response to someone else, and was not directly addressing you in that comment which I am doing here now and have also below. By the way I did concede above it was possible that your company knows of your situation and could care less.
I am also glad for you that this situation may not be as sticky as it appeared to be in original letter. If for no other reason that it cannot be stressed enough. I truly hope you will not have a problem with my saying so. Hey OP3 I just read what you wrote below, and I will risk the wrath of Katie the Fed by saying that it could be a different situation then I thought, since it has come to light that you work for the government. I am willing to concede that they might not care. I have worked in the government before as well, and have seen some things that would be completely egregious in the corporate world fly with no problems there.
I have also seen people turn a blind eye to what is considered policy. Until it is handed down from above that it is time to make an example of someone. And for the record, I saw people fired, and these people wound up married. One was absolutely ruined professionally.
I get you were trying to preserve your anonymity by not mentioning all details, and that you feel you were misconstrued. I saw how upset you are with how everyone here is treating you, but really they cannot do anything to you. Do not react this strongly if you find yourself faced with something like this at work. If you find it hard to find a job while you already have a job, imagine if you are terminated and your next employer needs a reference.
Nobody knows who you are here, and only you know you wrote in, so take it with a grain of salt and at worst consider this practice for a trying situation; the bottom line message though: They gave me a proofreading test, and told me there were 8 typos on a document and to find and correct them. The person who gave me the test seemed annoyed, but I got the job.
And hated every minute of it! The performance review sure looks like work to me and as such it needs to be done during work time or you need to get paid overtime. The best candidate is so many factors.